Heartthrob
by gemmacamilleri
Summary: Tegan and Sara. Based on the bed hair hotel series of pictures and the album Heartthrob. This fic contains Quincest, Quinlove, twincest, incest. Don't like, don't read. Rated M for future chapters which may contain smut.
1. Closer

We had been apart for so long, I almost forgot how enthralling Tegan could be. We had been months into planning our new record and recently released Tegan's song Closer as the single.

Closer meant a lot to me. Before we agreed to create Heartthrob, Tegan had to beg to even speak of making a new record, I admittedly had self doubt. I felt like the next record with a pop spin would be a flop... Tegan wrote Closer for me and then we made adjustments together; I added the line "Let's make things physical". We never went into in depth conversation about who closer was really about, not all fans would be okay with it. Fans would jump to the conclusion that Tegan wrote Closer about me but we would not deflect that view; because it was indisputably correct.

Tegan and I found it hard working on albums together from two distant states so we spent a lot of our time going from hotels and back home again every now and then. I felt jealous every time Tegan and I would separate because I was visiting Mum or Stacy, who was kind of dating me exclusively but I couldn't say I truly loved her. It was more of a convenience thing. Tegan had Lindsey, We hung out with Jack and Rachel a lot, which Rachel just happened to be best friends with Stacy. She had come out with us quite a bit and everything fell into place in a matter of suitability. But I knew while I was away from Tegan, She would have been cuddled up on the couch with Lindsey in her arms. My relationship with Stacy was cute, friendly and conversational whereas Tegan and Lindsey were sexual more than anything. I knew Tegan loved me, but she will always love Lindsey too. That always upset me.

Tegan had booked for our next 3 nights in a hotel which were to commence not that afternoon but the afternoon of what was tomorrow. I called Tegan with the heat of excitement asking her what I need to pack besides the basics for when we meet tomorrow.

"Maybe some CD's for inspiration, I think that's all"  
"Okay done. What about clothes? Do I need anything special?" I asked  
"Oh no, heh. You definitely don't need to bring those!" Tegan chuckled "Knowing you, you wont be wearing them around the hotel much anyway Sar"

"TEGAN! Oh god." I sighed with a giggle. She was kind of right, although it was always her who took them off. "Really though, I have no idea what to bring"

"Just pack something special, we might go out one night. Gotta go, LB just got in, see you tomorrow. Love you, goodbye."

"Love you too Tegan. Bye." Unlike Tegan, I'm the type who cant help but get oh so critical. I felt like I wanted to hate Lindsey for always taking my Tegan away from me, but I didn't. Lindsey was a great girl, she would do anything for both Tegan and I. She was also incredibly naive on what was going on between us. Stacy was still in the study working away. I decided to go to sleep early so that I was well rested and ready for tomorrow.


	2. Goodbye, Goodbye

She could have told me goodbye. I was ready to give up on our music career. I thought we had made it as far as we could in the industry and was ready to let go. Tegan could have called it quits too, said our goodbyes and went our separate ways with out girlfriends and continued our lives only in a sisterly thing before our feelings become too strong. Both of us knew that working together, writing music that reveals our most vulnerable selves was such an intimate career. Plus the habit to act on our sex-drives which was probably inherited from one of our parents... We were both well aware that if we continued our music career and made another record together, it would only deepen our relationship, making it even harder to contain ourselves in public and causing strain on our personal lives.

By 11am I had finally crawled out of bed. I glanced over at Stacy who was surrounded by the decorative silver pillows she got me as a christmas gift. Her innocent little face giving off petite snoring sounds. She went to sleep well after I did, in-fact I didn't even notice her creep into bed. I made two cups of coffee and brought them back to the bedroom.  
"I miss you when you go away Sara." She smiled flirtatiously.  
"I think about you while i'm away working, don't you worry" I responded while intwining her fingers between mine, letting her head rest upon my small left shoulder. I wasn't lying. I think about her a lot.

After being with Tegan, I think about Stacy and how she would feel. I think about different situations; if Stacy or Lindsey were to walk in on an intimate moment between Tegan and I. I can't help but feel constantly paranoid afterwards. Every time I do something which I know is wrong, I feel guilty; I am guilty. I know I should end things with Tegan just to be safe but I can't handle my strong attraction towards her. I think that if we never acted on our feelings in the first place we would never be in this situation; but there's no use thinking of that now. We're in too deep.

I heard a knock and buzzed Tegan into my apartment. From the moment she walked in the room my attention was fixed on her, her cardigan followed her sharp movements around the apartment wherever she moved. She was so energetic and ready for the trip, we fluffed about, giggling and acting like two young kids going on an exciting vacation. It was clear to Stacy who observed from the couch where she sipped away at her coffee that we had been distant for a while. Tegan and I hurried away into my bedroom. She checked over my case to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I saw her glance to the separate zipper compartment where I kept my toiletries. I know that she notice my lingerie half hidden behind a pair of socks and my hairbrush. She saw that I packed her favourite black, semi see-through lace bra. I didn't expect her to check... I didn't pack it solely for her to admire. I mean it was one of those 'just in case' decisions. Her eyes widened and a smirk lit up her mouth.

"Quick, lets go!" Tegan clipped the case shut, placed one hand around firmly my waist pulling me out of the room and the other carrying my suitcase out to her car. She led me towards Stacy to say my goodbyes but her hand stayed gently just below my hip. Stacy pulled the knitted throw off her legs, sat her coffee on the table and stood close to me.

"Have a good weekend. Text me when you get the time, I understand that you're busy working. Goodbye." She lent in and kissed my cheek. I could feel Tegan slowly begin to steer me away by the waist. My hand trembled on Stacy's shoulder as I drew away from the kiss she had given me. I felt bad for them both, Tegan having to see me kiss another woman. I hated watching Lindsey kiss my sister. Stacy wishing me a good weekend, when it should be me wishing her a better girlfriend.  
"Goodbye" was all I could say.  
"Goodbye!" Tegan added as she rushed me out the door still directing me by the hip and shut it behind us.


	3. I Was A Fool

Although Tegan and I are twins, it bugs me that I never know her exact thoughts. What are her intentions during this weekend away? She knows I spend every spare moment waiting for her calls. When I am not fixated on a task, my mind goes straight to thoughts of Tegan. Where could she be? What might she be doing? Is she thinking of me?

She knows I'd stick around, I am faithful; besides the fact that having this more than sisterly relationship with Tegan would be considered cheating on my girlfriend, it didn't feel that way. Plus my relationship with Stacy is hard to clarify. Things felt natural with Tegan, we wanted the same things and although we've never discussed it, we have a mutual agreement completely in our minds promising that anything considered incestuous is never to be spoken of.

We reached the hotel. Tegan released my hand, putting both of hers on the steering-wheel to concentrate on reversing the car into a park. I rested my hand softly on her thigh, discretely moving upward just enough for her to feel something. I continued moving my hand further up her leg along her thick grey jeans waiting for her reaction. She let out a breath that felt like it had been held on to for an eternity. I gave Tegan a warm smile, I felt excited. It had been a while since I had alone time with Tegan. I think I needed this weekend, it had come at the perfect time. I just hope Tegan is as dedicated as me. I had to make sure.

"I don't mean to kill the mood, but I need to ask, how has LB been treating you lately?"

"Um yeah, about that. She only wants to get more and more serious. She kind of made me feel like a childish fool, which only made me want to rebel, show her that I am no sucker for her love and leave her. Too bad she's right." Tegan vented unexpectedly. I was waiting on a small reply to bush the Lindsey situation off.

"Right about what, Teeg?" I questioned as I leaned closer listening to the humming of the car engine while I waited on a reply.

"She knows me too well, I am a fool. I can't leave her. I talk of packing my bags and going for good, when we fight that is my threat to her, that i'll up and leave; I never do. I think of running away with you sometimes Sara, you know I want to be with you. I am a coward. I let Lindsey make all my decisions for me, I am too committed."

Tegan looked genuinely upset. I leaned even closer, raising my hand from her inner thigh to the back of her head. Before I got the chance to make a move Tegan leant in. Our lips pressed together and I felt that little silver ball that I missed dearly tickling me just beneath the lip. We kissed for a while. Time seemed to go quickly, I felt her heartbeat racing against mine. I was able to comfort her which in return made me feel at ease. It wasn't the first thought that had come to mind, but eventually it got there: was I just the teddy bear a child would cuddle when they're in trouble, her second option when she was having difficulties with Lindsey? Maybe it was not Tegan who was the fool but in-fact Lindsey and I.


	4. I'm Not Your Hero

I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself in a relationship.

Since the first time Tegan revealed her attraction towards me I had hung onto those feelings. I took them seriously because I thought that what I felt back was quite serious. Tegan may have given Lindsey many chances to give her love but I never got in-between their relationship because I knew overall Tegan's love for me would only grow fonder and prevail. I couldn't rescue her from the foreseeable heartbreak. She had to experience it for herself. I would be there to catch her during the fall.

We each carried our own cases up to room 24. The door was gloss white with a silver number and the presentation of the room was immaculate. Tegan knew I was a bit of a freak when it came to décor. Although I appreciated vintage and antique pieces, I couldn't stay somewhere which seemed unclean. The walls were a beautiful silver-champagne colour that stood out when the sun shone through the window. There was a desk to the right which was perfect to sit at and try to develop the album and the beds had identical tall wooden bed heads and thankfully only 4 pillows and 2 cushions. The less like home, the better. It took me a while before I picked up the fact that we were paying extra to stay in a room with two beds. Was I expected to make use of that second bed? I looked at Tegan. She knew that I noticed the second bed.

"Just in case" She smiled. I grinned and giggled. I now knew that we both weren't sure on the sleeping arrangements, seeing as it had been a while. She thinks almost too much like me. I clipped my suitcase and pointed to my best bra in the zipper compartment which she had already discovered upon leaving.

"Just in case" My smile showing that I was amused at how we both knew we were going to sleep together but didn't want to pressure each-other into anything. Tegan must have also been amused because she tugged on my knitted jumper pulling me in towards her. We stood still for a while just holding on to each other.

"I missed this" Tegan admitted. I became nervous.

"Do you want me?" I questioned her slightly flirtatiously as I didn't want to wreck the mood but in the back of my mind Lindsey was there to remind me that this girl i'm holding, she isn't mine.

"Mmm yeah." She moaned without doubt in her voice, pulling my sweater above my head, bringing my long sleeve shirt which was underneath along with it.

Asking if Tegan wanted me was probably an indirect question that she didn't over analyse. That's one difference between us, Tegan doesn't overthink conversation. I do. Unless she did pick up that what I said was in reference to Lindsey, and Tegan had just decided to ignore my selfish side of the question. Tegan had confidence, but she was not brave and becomes easily upset when facing conflict. I decided to save the Lindsey subject for later, there was no use repeating any arguments during an intimate moment.

She went to slide my bra strap off of my shoulder, I stopped her, the strap made a crisp snap back into its original spot. I wasn't going to let her have me that easy.

"Say it like you mean it" I whispered into her ear as our cheeks pressed against each-others.

Her balmy lips kissed the side of my face, her breathing was heavy and she whispered back yerning

"I want you! I fucking want you Sara!"


	5. Drove Me Wild

Her hands gripped my waist. I felt a serge of strength, Tegan was in control. I slid her thick dark-chartreuse cardigan off her shoulders and left it drape down over her elbows while I pulled her hands off of me in a tease. She pushed my hands back in order to get closer to my body. It was like a magnetic force between my waist and her hands drawing them together constantly. For the few seconds they were off my body, I slid her cardigan off her forearms and threw it towards the desk. She pulled her shirt over her head tossing it away carelessly and grabbing onto my waist again pulling it in towards hers and subtly thrusting in toward me.

"I can't wait" I said with immense seduction and heavy breathing. Tegan's face relaxed as if she was rid of all negative tension. Our hips connected but stomachs did not touch.

"Neither babe" she wispered in my ear. I put my hand at the back of her neck and pulled her head up towards mine. I let my fingers get tangled in her growing hair. We made eye contact for a split second before her tongue collapsed onto mine. When we stopped to take a breath I turned her around and pulled her onto the bed slamming her identical body against mine.

I couldn't determine who was being more dominant at that point. Everything was so high paced trying to keep up with the beating of our hearts and the adrenalin rushing through our bodies.

She was on top of me. I wanted her to touch me, she teased me and finally removed my bra as I pulled hers off. I caressed her back and brushed her nipples with my wet lips as she unbuttoned my jeans. Her laugh escaped through her cheeky smile. I threw them off in a hurry but Tegan held my arms down and kissed me until I was gasping for air. I needed her touch. I was getting hot already, feeling the throbbing sensation throughout my entire body Tegan slowly worked her way down. My hips jerked forward and my hands twitched as I clung onto self-restraint and let Tegan tempt me even more. I could hardly take it. She released my hands, one automatically went to her back, running my fingers up her spine lightly and with my other hand I clenched my first knuckle between my teeth and bit down hard enough to stop the moans I was about to let out.

My palms grew warm and sweaty as Tegan continued to leave my body in temptation. I felt like I was about to burst. I was so close to coming already. I stopped stroking her back with my fingers and noticed the goosebumps across her skin from my touch. I liked the way she looked on top of me. I liked her tattooed arms against my body and most of all I liked the way her piercing touched all the places her lip had been, like a shadow.

Tegan finally made her way between my legs. I felt the air from her mouth. She was stalling.

"Tegan pleeease!" I groaned. She held my hips still firmly with her hands and rushed right into it. Her tongue relieved the throbbing aches of my clit, I felt pleasure. Pleasure that nobody else has ever made me feel. Tegan knew exactly what I liked. My body was inching even closer to climax. I grabbed her hair, tugging so she knew which way felt good but pulling gently enough not to cause her to stop. The sex was exactly how I had envisioned it would be when I told her "Let's just make things physical" It was corny of me to quote myself, to associate my own lyric to something like this, but this is exactly what I meant by those words.

"Shut your eyes, stop thinking and just feel it okay?" Tegan demanded.

Tegan's coloured arms outstretched across the bed with me laying on top of her both gasping, trying to regain our breathing cycle. I reached down, fiddling my hand through the hotel sheets that were tangled up beneath the both of us and felt that she had came also. I put the hand that was covered in Tegan onto her stomach and cuddled close to her chest, softly kissing her body until she fell asleep.


	6. How Come You Don't Want Me

Birds squealed from outside the cafe across the street. I wasn't ready to wake up and I didn't want Tegan to move from underneath me. She looked like an angel, the sun reflecting on her pale skin giving it that slight glow. Her Hazel eyes opened and automatically looked away from the sunlight shining through the window but then after realising I was beside her and remembering last night, her eyes were directed towards mine. We were locked in a deep gaze.

We both knew we were supposed to be on a business holiday to work on Heartthrob but we had already spent one afternoon just fucking each-other and it felt like we were contemplating spending half the morning doing the same again.

"Ugh Tee, we have shit to do..." Tegan patted my head and adjusted my hair into place then rubbed the sleep from her face.

"I can't" she rolled over facing away from me with her body pressed against mine, fitting and filling all my curves with hers "I want to stay in bed with you, I don't want to go back" I kissed her hair

"I know baby, I know." We heard my Blackberry buzz from over on the desk. My eyes rolled through the back of my head  
"Stacy?" Tegan smirked, she slowly got out of bed.  
"Eh probably" I let out a laugh at the thought of our relationship "who knows, maybe she's calling to say she's found someone else hey! We never talk about those things" Tegan picked up both phones and her face lost that golden glow that was given by the window earlier. "We catch each-other checking people out all the time, neither of us say anything so that means it's totally fine" I laughed about it some more until I heard the crack in Tegan's throat.

"Yeah, well i'm glad that _your_ girlfriend doesn't mind" I could hear her anger "wish I could say the fucking same about mine"

"Tegan, what the hell?" I said with confusion to her sudden outburst.  
"I am stuck in this awful fucking position! 3 missed calls and 5 texts Sara!" She was trembling, trying her best not to cry and turning all her sad emotions into anger, towards me.  
"It's not exactly my fault? I didn't mean to fall in love with you. I didn't mean to let YOU fuck ME last night, i'm fucking sorry I let that happen if this is how you feel Tegan." I teared up. I become a wreck when it comes to my family.

"I can't say that i'm sorry" she piped down. I watched her swallow her words. "I just.. got so ahead of myself..."

"How come you don't want me anymore Tegan?" I was scared while awaiting her reply, I asked a question but I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. "What did LB say?" Tegan was silent for a while, I watched her pupils contract from the light of her phone while she skimmed over the messages again. She threw the phone at the bed letting it land right beside my knee. It was unlocked so I took the offer to read the messages for myself.

_**-Babe, don't forget to call me when you can xxx**_

_**-T is everything ok? I hope ur not mad about that argument the other night. Just think about it while ur away baby **_

_**-Ok well it seems like ur ignoring the situation just because ur away. Very mature Tegan. Take my call, hear me out, please?**_

_**-Listen just answer your phone, we don't have to talk about Joel or anything, I just need to hear your voice, I love you.**_

_**-I have nothing to say to you. Clearly you don't want to be held down by commitment. Or is it just me? It's killing me but maybe I should just walk away this time.**_

I locked the phone and placed it back down.

"Tegan..." I said sensitively "who is Joel?"

"Lindsey is bringing up the 'lets start a family' shit again. This time she's even found a.. um.. sperm donor?" It was pretty clear that Tegan did not want this, it had been argued many times and without my own bias' I think it's fair to say that Tegan is right. Lindsey shouldn't keep pushing for a family if Tegan doesn't agree. I mean if this were a heterosexual couple, it's kind of like the boyfriend forcing the girlfriend to have sex and ejaculating inside her because _he _wants a family or when a girl lies to her partner about using contraception in order to get herself pregnant. The problem here is that both parents should be in full agreement with planning a family, not manipulated into it. From Tegan's point of view, LB was manipulating.


	7. I Couldn't Be Your Friend

I realised that Tegan's situation could go one of three ways. First and most favourable, they break up. If they go with this option that means I have Tegan all to my selfish own. Second path is Tegan goes all out and commits to Lindsey, which means she would give me up because that's what "they" think would be best for her. She would start a family and leave me astray. I couldn't bear that, I couldn't just be her sister even if I tried, I love her too much, however this is only option 2 and I like to think that this is the least likely option! Of corse option 3 is they remain in the current situation of no commitment but also no freedom, sitting on the fence being indecisive and miserable together.

"I need to get out" the words escaped Tegan's mouth as she heaved air in and out. I threw myself up off the bed and hugged her in support, I wondered if she could feel the plumpness of my cheeks from the grin across my face in the belief that she'd choose option one.

"Now Lindsey's going to say that she had it all wrong, but I feel like she doesn't truly want me anyway. She wants a family and I am the only thing that's stopping her. I guess you could say I was a lier, led her astray. I wont deny it. I did what seemed good for me and put her needs aside. If she wants a family, she is going to have to make one with somebody else. I'm calling her now." My body was simply frozen in shock. Every inch of coward had escaped Tegan's body!

"I will stay here, with you" I smiled sweetly "I will always be here waiting, if you're ready to give this up with Lindsey, I am here and ready when you are babe." I had to assure her that I wasn't going anywhere. That if she left Lindsey she would not be alone, I was still her friend, her sister, her love.

She held the phone to her ear and I became silent with nerves and anticipation.

"Hello" Tegan's voice boomed with strength although Lindsey was probably just as fierce on the other end of the receiver. I heard a faint yell coming from the phone which in reply Tegan sarcastically said "That sounds so fictional! Lindsey, if anything you've been the one who's been deceiving! An innocent little straight girl just looking to have fun? Then when you get into a fucking relationship all you want is a boyfriend. I am not your boyfriend! I am a fucking female. I can't have babies with you, I don't want to have babies with you! I am quite happy how things are!" I cringed, ugh option three, things remain as they are.

"I won't marry you because not all of the states have legalised it yet, it's something I feel strongly about as a lesbian couple. Lindsey, you are clearly after a man, which is something i'm not." I sat back down to catch my breath. Tegan really knew how to dish it out. I wonder how many of their fights ever got this personal.

"Bisexual then, whatever Lindsey! It seems to me like you may as well just go fuck Joel, start a family together, you both seem pretty fucking keen for that!" Tegan hung up the phone and burst into tears. I grabbed her, still in complete shock.

"Uh Tegan, do you usually fight like that?"

"No Sasa" Tegan sobbed, I hesitated for a moment and decided not to tell her off for calling me pet names. "This is the last fight we will have as a couple, we're done." Both of us sighed in sync, with sadness but also our sighs carried a hint of relief in the sound. Relief that we are finally free, finally together, no more chains.


End file.
